ABOUT "INTERNALIZATION" - Part 2

 Parents often ask what can they do to make it more likely that their children will keep to the norms of their culture/religion after leaving the parental home. I always tell them that there are 3 factors that most strongly determine whether your child will always follow your values; relationship, relationship, relationship. 

Try to focus on developing a closer relationship with your child, and it is (almost) never too late to start doing so. Start spending as much time with them as you can. Try to join them in activities of their interest. TALK to them every day. Make a habit of asking your child everyday what their day has been like. Even if they tell you something you do not approve of, try to KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT at that time. It is always better if your children tell you what they have done wrong in your absence, than they start hiding those activities from you. Try to create happy memories, meaning doing activities with them that make them really happy.

The second thing I always tell parents is to remember that 'children learn with their eyes, and not with their ears'. If your child watches you behaving patiently even when upset, they will learn to be patient. If they see you scream and yell, they will scream and yell. Try to practice the virtues yourself which you want your children to internalise. Otherwise, it is a complete waste of time giving them lectures about it. 

To be continued...